My cousin – who used to be one of my closest friends during my teenage years – came to my city on vacation with her husband, visiting his relatives. It’s been about seven years since we last saw each other. A lot has changed. I’ve changed. She’s changed.
What remains of our old versions that still coexist today? How much of the affection we once shared still opens a window to our adolescence? After so many personal transformations, with a completely different view of life, the world, God, the universe, and human relationships, what part of me still serves as a bridge to the past?
Was it the affection exchanged back then that became eternal? What makes me willing to step out of my isolation to meet her again, surrounded by her husband’s family – people I don’t know – and face the discomfort of the unfamiliar? Even the pain in my esophagus that showed up today after a moment of indulgence with junk food seems to be part of this process.
I don’t have answers yet. I don’t know if it will be worth seeing her, if the discomfort of being around so many new people will pay off, or even if she still feels the same warmth we once shared back in 2007.
Only time will tell. What I do know for sure is that if I don’t allow myself to experience this moment, I’ll never know. And for someone who seeks self-awareness, it’s better to regret doing something than to spend a lifetime wondering what it would have been like.
I’ve noticed that extreme behavior – whether full acceptance or total rejection of a belief or situation – is what usually brings the deepest regret later on. Thankfully, our consciousness and perception of the world tend to evolve.
Maybe if we were meant to cling to one extreme, we wouldn’t have come into a dual world – one that even gifted us with a brain made of two hemispheres which, when functioning properly, is called gray matter… perhaps because it is actually where darkness and light meet – the quiet balance between both.
Wishing you a balanced Sunday.
With affection,
Marquis David
PS: If you enjoyed this reflection, you might also like “The remnants of a borrowed dream and the teenage Count.” It’s a story about meeting your younger self again — and realizing that growing up is, in many ways, a reunion.
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